Kung-fused?

First off. BITCH is sad. David Carradine was not that old and appeared to be in good shape, despite being kicked in the head a lot in the 70's and suffering the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique from Uma Thurman's gigantic paws. So imagine BITCH's sadness when she found out he was gone. Not to take away from the genuine mourning, but at first she thought he might have done himself in, since he was in Asia and the guilt of stealing an acting role from a Chinese Man had finally overwhelmed him. But no-- it looks like he might have pulled a Michael Hutchence.


"Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide but he may have died from masturbation," quoth one Thai authority.

Dude. It's not funny. BITCH's heart goes out to his family. But all she has to say is-- Y everybody gotz 2 B so damn rough w/ their junx! Can't anybody wank the old fashioned way anymore? "Nobody move, nobody get hurt" style! Why there gots to be so much chokin' of necks (AND genitals)!? The only thing that should get choked is chixenz--

PETA don't write BITCH!

BITCH is not advocating NO self-abuse-- Lord knows Tavis Smiley has supplied more wank material than he'll ever know-- but you got to abuse lightly-- or become a hilariously tragic Snopes.com entry labeled TRUE.

RIP