For the Love of Christ, Vote for the Big Gay Kid Already!

Everyone has weaknesses.

Some people mainline heroine. Some people have sex with farm animals. BITCH watches American Idol. They're about equal. She realizes this is not cool-- but hey-- fuck you.

Jacked-up teeth and unapologetically flobbity penises aside, England's not a bad place to take a load off. Except when American Idol rolls around two fuckin' days late, and BITCH can't vote for the genius that is Adam Lambert. So you have to do it for her-- or else. Apart from the fact he has the single best singing voice ever on show (counting Kelly, Fantasia, and BITCH's favorite meek little homo Clay Aiken), he's also the best showman to ever grace that miserable stage. He's Steve Perry good-- and BITCH doesn't say that lightly.

Yes middle America is afraid of him. BIG SURPRISE. And not just because he's possibly-- sorry, completely and obviously super duper fuckin' gay.

And not just gay, but clearly a slutty exhibitionist AND sleazy power bottom. And a musical theater queen, and a cosplaying Emo-queer and on top of that-- a Tranny!!!! But worst of all, he's a west coast liberal, clearly doesn't give a fuck about church, and has a small family what doesn't mind him being a weirdo n' shit.

All the more reason to vote for him and not the human thumb that is Kris Allen.

Why?

Because great stars, truly great, in that stratospheric caste of the Bowies and Freddy Mercurys and Elvises are not borne up out of this facade of perfect middle-American life. You need real suffering and misery, to be an outcast and truly different to have that well of pain that makes you special. You'll likely be a chubby musical theater nerd. You probably won't be a jingly 23 year old camp counselor who thinks his wife is the most "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful lady in the world."

Do we need another John Meyer? Another Rob Thomas? BITCH doesn't think we needed the first ones. And how 'bout twice as mediocre? We definitely don't need a shit sandwich made with two slices of Wonderbread, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a dollop of mayonnaise.

Vote for Adam. Vote and Vote. Because he's the most talented and that's all that matters.

You may ask BITCH, why a stupid, rigged, sham reality talent contest on the lamest network (sorry, hate to break it to you CW) matters?

Because if Adam loses, we prove we haven't come far enough as a country. Despite our 50% black president, we still don't want to hear anyone singing who might have smoked a pole once or twice-- or a billion times.

Because androgyny, sex appeal, great talent, unique looks and amazing vocals-- why would you want that in your Rock music? Why? When you can have anemic, asexual crooning and an adorable crooked smile...